It never gets easier. In many situations there arent even kids involved! Most people are not saying you shouldnt let the children see the other side of the family at all. My ex asked me to abort our children and knocked me on the ground when I was 8 months pregnant. Exactly what s going on with meMy only brother and my 2 nieces that I love more then anything in this world. Im sure there are other options as well that you might want to brainstorm. My kids are actively involved in sports year round and Ive always been nothing but cordial at sporting events with my ex because of my kids! Just as he promised, I had custody for the first 2 years, but he filed lie after lie with the court daily, weekly, monthly until he obtained full custody of our children then just 2 and 6 years old. Its not that we cant be at the same place. You are a sour, bitter, alienating parent that does not deserve custody of your children because you are a lying snake that should spend weekends in jail while he enjoys time with your family and children. That is why I advocate for being completely honest IF they ask. Xx. Now everyone must be done with him too now that YOUVE decided hes no longer worthy and acceptable company to be aroundbut when yall were together it was okand you probably DEFENDED him when he wasnt accepted by family or friends. It took me nearly 3 years to come to terms with it. Wouldnt answer my call or text. To me there is an unspoken rule that if you divorce, your family should be automatically in your corner and supporting you. My mother has outlived my father so everything was left to her, but my ex being named in that will was a complete slap in my face. Two days before Thanksgiving, I text again and asked and let her know that if he was going to be there, the kids and I would not. The most painful thing as that I was pregnant with our second baby. I dont have an explanation but have been told by a professional that they are narcassists who enjoy conflict and I need to focus on my kids succeeding and pull myself together because I am all they have.and to break all ties with those 2 sisters and stop giving them chances because it is only causing me more and more hurt. i had same issue with my abusive ex. "There should be commonalities that you hold an interest in," Masini says. My children are grown, 30 and 27. I am recently reunited with my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago and he says that things are headed toward marriage for us. Stand your ground if he or she refuses to back away. Need help with your relationship? Your ex son in law presumably has his own family and friends to support him? I have long ago accepted their hate and moved on. I dont understand how family can knowingly cause so much hurt. I wouldnt do it to my loved ones. In this case, you should be happy that hes being a good father. My boyfriend Tom dated Nina for 3 years (They broke up in 2017). Many exes dont want boundaries. I feel like my family (and maybe yours too) blame me for ending the marriage yet never ask me why I would want to do that. New York-based author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection. If you can you need to tell them how you feel. Because then chances are that he is using you as a replacement for his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. Theyll be less likely to go the wrong direction in life, because of all the love and attention they receive from so many people. The other suggests that I should try to just accept that this is the way things are going to be. Login first Cut them all out of your life you dont need to be putting up with that crap xoxo. Where is the family loyalty? I get bundles of dollars twice a week. He has moved in with her and her family. And not just my mother but my aunt, grandmother, and my brother. One of my brothers has continued to be in relationship with him. My husbands brother told me that the ex-wife was his sister. Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. He knew my Mom and I had long term issues we had been working thru. I remember as a small child going to that house for holidays, summer vacations and what not. She may want to consider what her kids want in this situation as they would probably want to spend the holiday with BOTH parents present as long as they can act civily to each other, which by her own account is possible. I packed up and moved to another state once my kids went off to college. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. At the end of the day divorce is only between her and her ex. He systematically does all the right things, 4. We will probably have to move out of state again once the drama starts. He still lives in the same house as his soon-to-be ex. I have no family left at all, but my kids, and what i thought were forever in-laws. To start with, he was vocal about the fact he was uncomfortable with her inviting his ex over to their mums house. It sucks to share. I would feel betrayed if its family. I keep telling myself that someday they will see the true side of him. Today, the website offers thousands of pages of divorce-related articles, FAQs, podcasts, videos, and targeted advertising. We werent around family. I couldn't wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. spell to cancel a divorce or to cause a divorce and death spell to silence your enemies [emailprotected] gmail. Good luck w ur new better happier life! He still tried to bully me to this day. My sister and her husband now have limited contact with my oldest son. I never regretted that choice. But the factthathe still thinks about her, and that he still loves his ex, does NOT mean that he does not love you or that he doesnt want a relationship with you. Why would she invite your EX to events & parties? You are not wrong for wanting this relationship to stop. by Kelli Ann Apr 10, 2018. His children dont know this person anymore. I really feel for you. He has 77 friends and 9 of them are from my family. They really dont get it and it really hurts. 3. Maybe finding yourself a new hubby that will do the same with your family. It gets tricky and can put everyone in a difficult situation. We share joint custody of our 2 kids. but its called respect. I could not even tell my own family. We know this as fact, because she made videos of her cheating. She only became close with him when she meddled in our separation, literally texting both of us as we were arguing. She also has full custody of the kids, which means she would technically have more influence in there lives then he could just by visitation witch is several weekends a month, my parents are/where? About 1wk he later, I was visiting my grandparents and his Truck is parked next door at my Mothers rental house and hes living there and coming to my 90yr old grandparents to eat dinner everyday. We do all of that. They only know your Ex because of you Turning a blind eye means theyve taken a side. I havent went to my daughters bday parties that my ex and my mom throw together because my ex hates me. Yesvery unreasonable. I do not need my husband anymore he can go to hell with his child support that he never pays. If you've gotten close with your ex's siblings or parents, you might wonder what the rules are around staying friends with an ex's family. We had agreed that I would have the kids. If I hadnt kept close with my Ex-son-in-law, my grandson would be a distant memory. When I stood up to him he started to behave threateningly with shotguns. This article is a textbook definition of solipsism at its finest. Be the bigger person and when you need to have conflict in the family, with a family member, make sure it is over something way more serious and worth the fight.. My husband thinks it is completely crazy and my mom doesnt like him because he has always set boundaries and doesnt even know what a boundary is. She helped raise me. I think youre being selfish. my family invited him to all family events and I was allowed but I had moved on and met someone and my new guy wasnt allowed at any family events. It might take him a very long time to completely let go of his ex. You left the marriage you are wanting your family to choose sides he didnt ask for any of it you made those choices just because it seems like he has moved on with his life and found happiness again and you are living in the past doesnt mean he is doing anything wrong. After the separation and divorce My Ex pretty much had cut all ties with her family. Happened with my father. And a majority of the time they took his side. I never want to see my sister again, thats not family, (same situation, also a tid bit different.) Im guessing theres a reason you didnt tel us how the divorce came to be. Be upbeat and positive when youre with him, Go and do fun and exciting activities with him. Well we find out a few weeks ago she did it. Its hard to understand how your own family can behave this way but unfortunately they do. If you CAN. My family all exchanged xmas gifts with him last year, but not 1 gift for my boyfriend who was actually at the party. But still NEVER be interested in her as a romantic partner again. it hurts me. You deserve to have your family and he needs to rely on his. If she doesnt want to be at family functions if he is present then she needs to tell her family far enough ahead so they can make a decision on whether they will invite him or not. No, you are not being unreasonable. I commend these amazing people, they truly are amazing parents. Im sure she is not doing the same with her ex-in laws! They too, use the same rationale that its me being unreasonable and selfish and that Im considering our daughter. I invited my family and my sons father. Whats worse is she never had a kind word to say about him while we were married. But most divorces do not end up with exes hanging out with previous in-laws. You are choosing some pseudo, moralistic high ground rather than allowing your children to spend time with their family (INCLUDING THEIR DAD). PS: If you want to make sure you are not making any mistakes that scare him away (back to his ex), I recommend you download a smallreport called The 5 most common texting mistakes that women make that scare guys away. Click here to receive it now for free. and trying to take my son away from me (not his bio son! And Ive felt the same when my sons have split up with girlfriends that Ive really got along with. like a narcissist . If you want to stay awaythats fine too. He is enjoying creating these problems for you. I thought she was my BFF and my closest support. Your words above help.I need to resign that it will never get easier.but I too will never win a golf game with Tiger Woods and I will never win the manipulation game with my ex.so I dont play his game or anyone who wants to try to pretend that they are just trying to include everyone. Those of us who have experienced this situation intrinsically know that it is NOT normal, natural behaviour of your own flesh and blood x. I think it began when I co-parented I threw all parties, graduation, etc and invited him and his new wife and family because I didnt want too much change for my daughters but I think I gave the ok, its ok to like him and his wife, and chat.. so I take the blame but wanted my kids to always have both parents. View related questions: He emptied bank accounts, disabled the car so it basically stopped when I pulled out of the drive way when trying to move my stuff, insinuated he had cancer, threatened my new partners family etc. You may feel like your going crazy, but you are not crazy. I think you should address why you feel uncomfortable around him to the extent that you are unable to spend a few hours with him on holidays etc. (on her Exs days). Regardless, I would focus less on them and more on yourself, your children and rebuilding a healthy life for yourself. she is trying to isolate you to take away your support. My kids dont want to stand up for me as grown children and say why is our mother shunned from everything, its between her and our dad. Revenge at last !!! Yes, depending on the depth and length of his previous relationship. Nina and Toms sister are very close so I get her being over at their house and attending family events, but it makes me bitter how much they like her. We arent friends but can get along enough to try to do whats best for our five kids. I would actually suggest its a mothers love thats not sincere for her own child if she cant support her own flesh and blood. Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. Heres an idea, dont get involved with a divorced man. and respect your feelings at the time. I feel the exact same way as you do and I know that the way we feel is not unreasonable and that there are valid reasons for our feelings about this particular issue. You didnt say anything about what led to your divorce. She is extremely touchy and not fun to be with, though a good mother and a considerate person. My girlfriend of 3 years cant seem to get over her divorce. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. My family sat down with me and had an intervention and told me that wasnt what I needed. It is something that I can very much relate with! My daughter went from a funny, happy girl to a very sad, deeply hurt child. Everybody tells me I need to leave him. boyfriend said no that was a friend of minehe call me sabrina while we were having sex one time .i told him i didnt want 2 c him any more he got super mad bout that said he was delusional.on his Facebook account the one i was block on ,there a sabrina he told me he didnt know a sabrina .so i broke it off , i felt he been cheating but didnt have all the facts yet . Youre only hurting your kids, your emotions are not facts, I hope this narcissistic injury hurts, and you owe your ex more money than you could ever afford because youre probably too scared to break a nail or get a job. Of course when I tried to explain this and how this fit with their current actions it only served as further proof that it is me who is the wicked, deluded one! Your ex was a manipulator just like my exlying, charming others while doing everything in his power to make my life miserable. The most painful thing as that I was pregnant with our second baby. My mother knew well that my sister loves to blame ALL her troubles on anybody but herself. When his male friend from work calls, your boyfriend has no problem taking the call in front of you. I am in a very similar situation. And I think your ex needs to back off. No one ever stood up for me. If they want a relationship with your ex, then they should do that outside of family functions that should include you! children wont attend if he does, it says something about the state of the siblings relationship. Because as a human being, you cant forget someone youve loved just like 123. But I feel this is wrong and shes doing it all on purpose to be hateful to me. Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. etc. Has anything improved since this post? I dont want to seem jealous or controlling. Sending you a hug xx, Love xx hugs I need more were that came from. My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. I have to tell you this house originally was my great Aunts house and she left the house to her niece (my mother). Now another 6 years has gone by. My heart aches for you. remain firm, Im currently gong through this and would like to hear more what you would say to my specific situation. Sincerely , She doesnt know the really bad things he did to me, if she did she certainly would not be his friend, but of course I would not tell her as it would be horrible for him and could possibly affect his relationship if she new what that man is capable of. My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. Their loyalty to him far extends any thought or consideration of me. Her family sound selfish and toxic . His hands are tied. Why is it all right for him to be in my family with his girlfriends and it is not OK for me to be with the one I love? Move on and you can all be one big happy family. Lowest of the low. "You should only be friends with an exs family if youve processed the breakup and have your emotional and social ducks in a row." You may not value me but I value me! He told me when I left he would get even and that I would be all alone. You are there for them as a mother. Beyond that, contact an attorney to see if state laws enable a civil lawsuit for alienation of family affection. My ex-husband was mentally abusive to me, I finally divorced hi, and it makes me sick my family is still kind to him. I believe the ex is being manipulative and enjoys causing my husband to be left out. If you really want to get rid of your ex and his girlfriend, start going to your family functions. he also told me that he would have dreams about her every night and would think about her 24/7 and still cry about her when we began to go out w each other. While in her 20s, her mother using a fake email address wrote a letter posing as her daughter expressing her hatred of me. My family has caused me the greatest hurt of my divorce. but will in a second to my current wife, which I think is tacky as hell!!! Its not that he even wanted my kids, he just wanted to take everything away from me. Being cordial with your ex when they run into him is fine, but to have holidays, bbqs, make friends with his girlfriend, super bowl parties etc, uhbig NO. The pain all of this caused is immeasurable. January 16, 2020 at 4:30 a.m. Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for three months. Now I realize Im not alone. My older sister was smart and moved to another state to escape their long lived abuse . This is not about your ex, its about you. My ex always said I had issues with authority is all I wasnt abused by her. Recently the ex got married i asked my siblings why they turned thier backs to me? The lingering presence of the said ex in their life can be the first clear indicator you need to watch out for. It is my opinion that when your child gets married two people become one and family emerge as one. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. Those are good signs. Have a similar question. I was in a marriage for 13 1/2 years. I would recommend some counseling to talk through your feelings about your ex, so you can forgive and move on. Most likely not he hardly sees his children basically he a babysitter to you!!! This is my life except that my child was grown before my divorce. That means holidays & special events are divided. But his daughter lives with me and also loves my x dearly and I wholeheartedly support that relationship. I divorced my husband 17 years ago. I know that he badmouthed me when I asked for the divorce and never took any responsibility in his role, i.e. My only crime was loving too much and seeing the best in people that wasnt there. (His brother was actually the one who told her, but she already knew we were engaged). I recently received a question to which I, unfortunately, had to give a very simple answer. Your family shouldnt have let him do that. I am going through the same thing. However, the situation youre in makes it very hard for you and your boyfriend to move on psychologically. I empathize. Not surprisingly most of them are women. they knew the extent of his violent temper and yet my parents who are against everything he was involved in, would visit him in jail. It depresses me severely now that my children also participate in this process though we have great relations outside of this issueunless I bring it up. I even think something happened between ex and my sister. My hearts hurts for you. I think you have to be in the writers situation to understand how messed up her family is being. He has new girl on his Facebook but he said dont mean nothing he call me still because he care for metell me he trying get married I ask him too who he says I need figure it out why is he calling me still. One last thing my parents went to thier graves not knowing the truth about our brackup they had assumed it was because of me but the truth is it was the ex who cheated. Of course he makes it seem like everything is my fault and she believes it! If the custody of your children is reversed would you want him to treat you like shit and the family!! Im a very unselfish person. Hell no!! They honestly thought i was crazy and my ex the victim because i had left him. Just dont put yourself in a position to be angry and dont let others put you in a position you dont want to be in when you have the power to do differently. I didnt bring up the past but after 4 months of awkward phone calls on his side he refused to meet up with me even though i drove 100 miles to see him. Whats the fuss about! I hope I can see him soon. It is an eye revealer and you should thank God for exposing them. 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. Highly racist and believe Ive sinned against God because my son is part Spanish . I had to pull away from family of origin & create a life with friends to create boundaries & live a life away from their meanness.God can judge, and one day they will get his just rewards. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family. weve been dating for just about 5 months now and he talks to her sometimes and brings her up from time to time knowing it bothers me. I went to bed. Undoubtedly, every girl likes to view their boyfriend's family as their future-in-law, or even better, an extra family. IA. I know this is an old blog post but this is exactly how Im feeling and exactly what I am going through. You will grow old, your fuel will be harder to get. Im sure your not invited to things with his family. God would heal you and give you a thick skin to withstand the embarrassing situation. i told him ill help hom get throu he wanted me 2 b at his sentences hearing 2 b a creatable witness on his b half say something good bout him it help knock down his time basically he wanted me 2 lie 2 the judge . I am sure you have friends, that have friends, that you just dont like or care for but it has nothing to do with your relationship with your friend, its pretty similar to that. You need to let them know that it bothers you and makes you uncomfortable. On the contrary to what most are replying that the family feelings end when the marriage ends is ridiculously sad. When a person finds someone they connect with, it shouldnt be taken lightly, or disposed of due to another persons unwillingness to turn the other cheek. My adult daughter came in town with their children to visit when the day came they were visiting their father they took MY FATHER with them out for dinner & drinks. My battle is to continue to heal, so that these situations of utter madness do not continue to hurt me. I dont know what to do? I look back now and understand that these people took all my love and attention over the years and had never really reciprocated any of it but this only became plain when circumstances changed and due to geography I could no longer be the one putting in 99 per cent of the effort. I know you posted this a year ago. She even arranged a carpool with him and my sister to go to work everyday. He is divorced a year but is still friends with his ex wife. Sounds like you are the one with the issues. Wow, thanks for the story it has helped me also. He visits my mom and takes her backyard and calls her if he has a crisis. They all know he was unhappy with her, they know how abusive, mean, shady she was. This happened to me but we did not have kids. Im afraid I dont really have much advice for you but I do think its a lot for you to go through and if youve been handling it up to now the way you have Good for you. Hes a very nice person so I understand that they still cared for him but there are unfortunately times you have to end up choosing a side. Similarly, if your life was intertwined with your ex's family, then it's more likely that you can continue hanging out with their relatives. },{ Why would he even want to punish you like this? My family like yours just couldnt see what the problem was but it IS toxic and it is dysfunctional. few weeks ago when i was discussing with a friend about what am going through in the family he advise me to reach out to dr peter (peterwiseherbalcenter AT gmail. I bet if you look through your own family that has supported your ex you will start to see similar traits xxx. I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. I have not mentioned all of the terrible things my ex has put me through throughout this process, but on top of everything else, shes taking all of my family members away from me. I see people taking about you being abused emotionaly. So, I get you! Growing up with people and familial bonds will stay with you for life and thats why she hurts. The children dont remember why I left because they were so youngso when they just skip over issues like physical violence, choking, battery, rape, etc. To my surprise, when I needed my family, they were not there for me but for him! You're also telling him that you don't fully trust him. Plus, we all hang out a lot and he was able to see that my actions matched my words. Blows my mind. These kind of people know what to say but their actions are not inline with their words. He might work hard for what he has but that suggests you value material and financial effort more than other factors. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I have a young son and daughter but I love my in-laws and see no need to sever my ties with them just because my wife ended our marriage. That is true for you. Sorry by siblings I meant sisters. I dont buy it. They knew my stance, it was too hurtful to know we were not getting back together, and I expressed that 20s something person needs to own up to her own choices. I begged them to keep trying to speak to my daughter through calls on special occasions or just because so when I go back arent made to feel like we dont care for my baby. Im Mrs. Dulce Beverly from the United States, I want to share a testimony of my life for each one. My ex did the same thing to me. But your family is being disrespectful to you. Should I tell Tom or his family? After reading the original post and seeing the many responses, I feel so much better because I know I am not alone in this. This means that we may include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you. totally agree. That simple. Personally, I think when you have had direct experience with someone with a diagnosed disorder that you are less likely to toss about these terms so recklessly. I now realise its because of their own issues and judgements and when I look back despite how close I thought we were it was always me doing the work, excusing their uncaring behaviour. That would force the family to choose and they will choose the.one giving the option. (But a mothers rejection is very hard to take no matter how old you are. Having a positive line of communication with her will also be healthy for your children. But it hurts like hell. Because I sincerely believe that hes got your best interests at heart. You might explain that since he has a girlfriend that he substitute her family for yours, that may mean that your kids go to her familys for Holidays on occasion but if she is going to be in the mother role than you may have to clear this up once and for all. when I met her, she claimed to be separated for 4 years already, yet she still lived with her ex, at the beginning I didnt complained, after seeing that she was being very complasive with her ex, I started to ask her to leave her exes house and come to live at mine, so she did, but she kept on going back, every time that I asked her why she would do that, she would find a reason, every time we had misunderstandings, shell end up spending the night there. There is a reason youre being excluded, find out what that is. And I love your suggestion to find another happy place because I do not have much hope for my sister and her family figuring out reality. I told him to explain and he wouldnt. Therefore my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, and invited my ex-husband who physically/verbally abused me. "name": "Does it hurt to hear your ex, kids and family do things together? He gets defensive when you try to bring her up. At the end of the day her family is her family and for whatever reason you broke up they are doing the right thing by supporting their daughter. I too have gone through similar circumstances and have refused contact with my own family for supporting my X instead of me .We divorced because of his affairs and his ultimate drug addiction .He did terrible things and still has the support of my family. I believe that it is enough to be cordial to an ex at important occasions. I always just wanted peace but they all want to control me . Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily. If his family and I had been close I would have expected to still be close to them after the divorce as well. 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her, How To Make Him Miss You Like Crazy After A Breakup 12 Simple Steps, He Says He Doesnt Want A Relationship? Ive remarried my best friend and I count my blessing each and everyday. Dont worry about doing the right thing for your kids The right thing for your kids is a geninuenly happy mom. I get to hear about all the things my ex does with my family instead. This is proof right here. What bothers me the most is her parents behaviour. I am saddened but grateful to have found this post by chance. The girlfriend should not even be in the picture.with your family, unless you were in agreement. Everyone gets hurt in a relationship even disappointed. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. He cheated. I am a better person now and have grown so much. To this day he now has befriended my last sister that I had connection to and to whom I was the closest. My family. My ex was invited to my nieces wedding ten years later & I was not. He asked me to leave the house immediately after he asked for. Recently divorced myself. I didnt speak to my dad or sister for 2 years after the divorce after hearing from my daughter how they were all going out for meals and drinks together. My mom knows that he has dated 3-4 women after the divorce and cheated on them too and was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. What if he is in your shoes. Put your ego aside and be happy your kids and extended family is happy even though your not. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Ethan. She continues to insist that we dont talk to her Ex. I know hes doing it because he knows thats the one thing i asked him not to. He makes everyone think he is this wonderful guy who decided he wasnt happy being married and left abruptly and never looked back. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. She did not always tell the truth. I personally could not love, let alone like a person that has hurt someone in my family. Just wrong!!! Im having the same experience with my family currently and its really upsetting. I think you should talk to your parents and sister and explain that you are uncomfortable with him being there on Holidays and Birthdays. Ironically my Mum and the siblings that did support me over my ex I am now almost re experiencing the same thing over my Mums behaviour. Of course, after the hangout, her X uses it to hurt my sister. Since then my family still only wants to talk to me only to tell me what they have. You should feel happy that his family are the type to grow bonds with the familial partners. For example, maybe you're in a relationship with someone new, and you'd like to stay in touch with your ex's family, but you know that spending time with them will make your new partner uncomfortable. A controlling, abusive one who wants to remain connected to try and continue to control and punish you by any means possible which is why I took the difficult decision to break contact. When I finally took the step to do it and filed first. My kids are way more locked into my exs family and I can barely blame them. Its what she wants. Them hanging out or keeping in contact with him has allowed my ex to treat me as he has. Your reply also suggests that a) you have been an abusive person in a relationship and/or b) someone close to you has cut you off due to your behaviour or c) you are stuck in an abusive relationship yourself and wildly defensive against those of us who break free because it makes you feel uncomfortable on a subconscious level. What happened to family loyalty? Your sister lived the reality. A joke. ", There is no loyalty in my family. Your family should respect you by limiting the things they do with him they do not even care about you at all those kids see that and wonder why is mom left out but mom was the one that had to go to bed with the prick, sounds to me like your sister might like him to much. Its time for you to find your family that cares about you and move on from your family of origin. Very sorry you are experiencing this. Partly because My Brother never liked my Ex-husband, and talked awful about him and never hung out with him. I am sorry for your painful, raw family story. I had never felt so alone in my life as I did when I was married to him. I guess it depends how much you love her and how complicated you want your life to potentially be. I know how you are feeling , its kind of like betrayal. When I separated from my husband I lost his family, who Id always adored and mine too. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. It is her. My situation is a little different but kinda the same. Sorry they think this is okay. The one person who has been supportive to Me, and my dad shakes his hand. They were ho,ding you back from growing and succeeding. Im going to start doing that. Let him sleep in my brothers house..I dont have the time to go into details its too much. And in the meantime, you can tell that hes not one hundred percent there. My family, isnt making it clear either. Hope things are better. Im sure they were both severely depressed over my departure. This is for you to get over, not for them to change. She never said her ex was abusive. Their parents will always have a connection and shared duties because they are still their childrens parents but you should be her priority over the ex. I call you cowardly, weak, and shameful because your actions and emotional maturity is like that of a toddler. Your kids had nothing to do with you two splitting up. What has gone on has devastated my life and I have been unable to move on. He didnt afford me the same thing. My ex went to prison a year after we married for a long time and I stuck with him. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. This is a respect issue. Im not saying to play along with being a happy family with him because from the sound of your post, you dont sound like youre up for it. Somethings just dont change. Its also true that within his social circle, he now keeps the door open to get back with his ex. Im constantly forced to be in this situation with everyone except my family. Now he is on his third wife. Granted I had an affair which was a bad thing but now my sister and my ex have gotten very close to the point she hides things from me regarding who is taking care of my mom who we just found out has widespread cancer. that he doesnt want a relationship with you, 3. I think he really does love me. Very, very selfish person. After 5 years of no contact with my family, I reached out the olive branch to my Dad and we have been in contact for 4 months but he still talks about my ex, what he is up to etc. I also wont expect them to 100% to do what you/she wants as thats a bit unreasonable. I so badly wanted them to pick sides but thats not the right thing to do. She is helping him fight against you?! We found out that it was because they allowed his two GROWN sons Mom to come into town with them and join into HIS family festivities. I absolutely agree with Your view however I myself still struggle with this decision. Its not like they have other friends they invite to Easter or Christmas Dinner. I was mad! He doesnt even care enough to come and see them in their sports activities or eventshasnt done that in over two years now. You and only you should be the one that decides whether your ex will be at a family function. He might love her forever as a person, because he thinks that she is an outstanding and amazing person. My ex is very rude and threatens my husband therefore making an uncomfortable situation for everyone. These are six ways to stay in touch with your ex's family, respectfully: Talk To Your Ex First If your desire to stay close with your ex's family is strong enough to fight for, be an adult. Dont be selfish. No one ever asked my side. You cant go forward with your life with him in it. I shouldnt have to give them reasons. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. But now my ex who theyre best friends with and who hates me. "mainEntity": [{ I was having some misunderstanding with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband do not come home anymore and he was seeking for a divorce. Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and the upcoming Dont Waste Your Pretty: The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love. So Im dating this guy who is still best-friend with his ex-gf. I agree completely that your family should respect your wishes of you not wanting to be around your ex husband all of the time and they need prioritize you being at family functions and events over your ex. You are not alone.. When it comes down to it, it doesn't take a genius to see where her. Her ex is doing all this just to upset herand he is the one who walked out of their marriage one day and never came back! If they should see him they should be kind but thats where it stops. While most of the posts here involve a male abuser and a female victim, that is not always the case. I feel heartbroken all over again. Every time he talks about her, he thinks about her. He talks crap about them behind their backs, continues to stalk me and try and ruin everything I do (even gets the secret gate code to where I live!) When she hangs out with his family still, that means that she still hopes that she can get . And if he still misses and loves his ex, what do I do? You were once a family and because you have children together and once shared a life together still makes you familly that will never change so you will have to get over it and accept thats its not about you or youre ex its about the children. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. She will volunteer it. He is one of 5 children and the only boy. Unless you tell you family how this hurts you, its likely theyll never change. I didnt live in the same state. I wish I had better advice. He was not around like that, but her perents liked him, He was even invited inn for a drink at Christmas. See your family as people that seeks to use you for their own advantage and you wont have a hard time adjusting to the reality of family unloyalty. He also said that he felt like he was married to a good friend and . Just try to find your peace with it. You sound a lil spoiled and entitled. What ever happened to family loyalty. All you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. So to say if you are in the rigth or in the wrong is next to impossible to say becuse well its only your words and its mostly about your emotional well bining. In fact it sounds like he is a nice guy and her family sincerely likes him. But to me, your 5 children are the most important. The day the couple got married, they became his family. I dont feel this is unreasonable. I wonder if I should invite my family for dinner to reconnect and have my brothers ex wife there. She never asks me how things are going with my Ex, and when my cousins are around and THEY ask, she stays really quiet- WHICH of course is indicative that she realizes that her relationship with him is not 100% kosher. If he isnt a bad person, your family will want to stay friends with him. She can either put on her big girl panties and act like an adult who made a choice or be left out. While taking 20 year olds around the world on trips I have gotten more love and support from friends than own family and am truly thankful for that or I dont think I would have made it thru. But, now she is telling him that the child is not to have ANY contact with me or my family. I was divorced in 1990, well before Facebook. She tells me she doesnt want to put the kids in the middle but I have 3 daughters and I can tell you that if anyone tried to ruin my daughters life like he did to me, I would not be speaking with him. Well his excuse they have a business together and he said they end up relationship with a good terms, I sometimes feel compared to her, I heard so many stories about her otherwise he actually introduce me to his family, friends everyone and still dont want to Lebel us. Any ex who deliberately manipulates their in laws and drives a wedge between the biological son/daughter and their family is evil and must get some kind of ego trip from it. The trouble was was that it took me 17 years to realise I was in an abusive relationship but because I suddenly got it and all previous red flags made sense they couldnt get their heads around it especially when he was an excellent actor in front of them! He needs to take your side instead of playing into his mother's silly games. I expressed displeasure. To be clear, I do not pity you at all. Soon after my little sister moved, my mom did too. I feel betrayed and have lost any trust between my siblings and myself. Do you have any idea how many divorces go wrong, where one parent or both are manipulating, jealous etc. Add your answer to this question! I will never have that easy closeness with my sister ever again and Ill never trust her again. More important then you, or your x. I cannot stand my ex sometimes but, at nearly all family functions, he is there. The person we thought we knew as our son-in-law changed into an alcoholic, lying, manipulative, and narcissistic creep. I found this forum because I am trying to make my fiance understand why I think that it is weird that he recently accepted an invitation from his wifes aunt (who is like a second mother to his ex) to fly just the two of us out to there to their house for the weekend. It looks as though I am already being alienated from my niece and nephew and blamed for causing emotional stress for them and feel manipulated into returning to toe the line. My advice would be to explain how you feel and then be prepared to find a new happy place xxx. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house five doors down from my ex-husband. I will never understand it. In fact to say they hate me would be like they actually acknowledge my existence. Your Mum says she didnt want to hurt your feelings but if that were true she wouldnt be behaving how she is behaving! Im light and polite when I see their exes but nothing beyond that. Shes right, everyone else is wrong. Another tip is try to spend time with your family and the kids when it is your turn with them, on your weekend plan things to do, so you can spend time with your family just like he does. If you try to make them be loyal like a normal sister or mom they will only become bigger liars than they already are. Some if these families sound so toxic. Theres a very odd reason and I think they want to hurt Us ! But it seems a bit selfish or otherwise.. thats gonna need some evaluation from therapy/phycoatrics. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. I can relate to this!! My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. You shouldnt make them choose. Did you ever think you were married for such a long time he wasnt only a part of your life but your families as well maybe if you want them to respect you you should respect them and allow them to process the divorce. The comments others have posted on this site, and on NPD Survivors, have helped me better understand my exs behavior and the unhealthy dynamics that exist in my family of origin. What happens if there is a bbq or party and your both there expect you have a new partner now? That is supposed to be your family not his. I have a similar situation going on, but with a twist. He and I both say that we've never been happier. Things improved a lot when I was able to explain how and why it hurt me but Im still not ready to be close. I think maybe you are still feeling hurt by things that happened between you and your ex and you are able to ignore those feelings unless hes around. My opinion is that you are not being honest about your behaviour. I couldnt wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. I came home to him passed out drunk and my house looking like a tornado hit it. I was not even invited to my nieces wedding! I absolutely agree. 6) He has an issue with her love life This is a huge indicator that he's not over his ex-wife yet. name for it? Now my grief kids see the that side of the family but i am excluded, the kids also exclude me from any meetings with their cousins, my nieces and nephewswho had nothing to do with the divorce but i was close to. You are absolutely not being unreasonable! Sounds like youre one of those people shes describing. I have a similar situation. Excellent point @ children needing as many people around them as possible! I am ready to let go of my anger about this. I also wish that I wake up and the hurt will be gone and Ill somehow find a way to not care and forget them. When your family does basically keep your ex and they dont care that it hurts you, you know exactly where you stand in their minds. Because this would be a decision she wanted to make, and all I want is for her to be happy. I totally agree with your comment Jennifer Benner. And I dont mean after the first two months. They have abused and betrayed you again and again and this is why you feel guilty you have been conditioned by their terrible treatment of you and your son to feel as though everything is your fault and that you still owe them. I have cut ties with all of them now.. Its been years and Ive tried to explain to my mother that she is my EX wife and her place is with her family,not mine.. didnt work.. this has strained my relationship with everyone in my family.. This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. I also learned that someday, you may find its too tiring to remain angry all at once and you start to forgive. You need a new family. What he depicted was so far from the truth. reader, CaringGuy+, writes (23 August 2010): A I dont find it unreasonable at all. My sister continues to say shes been the best sister but i beg to differ! How hurtful and disrespectful could you be. I was totally honest with him and that was my mistake. Absolutely no empathy or reflection or regard for anyone. If he's not willing to change? Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW! When I would express how this was affecting our children and myself. You cant change them but you can change yourself. But professionals and legal law disagrees. If she doesnt, you know that she doesnt have your back 100%. forza horizon 5 flexibility beats everything accolade, occupational therapy controversial issues, , bs 3939 electrical and electronic symbols pdf, kerdi membrane over osb, ecu baseball commits 2023, temptress archetype strengths and weaknesses, pennington county delinquent property taxes, toronto sunshine girl 1980s, what happened to spot from texas metal, michael yarmush interview, what is icf technology authorization, cbus withdrawal form, valenzuela city ordinance violation fines, gordon food service allergen information,

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